I remember how after I was rejected by someone I liked, I wished I would reject a hot (brown) girl. It ended up being true since I accidentally rejected a random hot brown girl during my going away party. She was annoyed enough to ask my friend why I left her. At first I was disappointed at myself for possibly blowing an important opportunity of my life. Then I remembered that this is what I wanted. It was my night, I looked fucking amazing, I was in a good mood with friends, and I was better at dancing. That girl was good looking and was probably used to guys pursuing her and having to reject them. At that time she probably saw me as the one; some sort of prince charming who she thirsted. Yet when I left her, thinking she wasn’t into me, it brought everything crashing down on whatever she was thinking, and pissing her off for the rest of the night. The best part: I didn’t have to say or do anything immoral or degrading towards her to fuck with her mind. The feeling, that power to fuck with someone’s mind and to get them to think highly of me while I make them feel like they’re below me just by being passive, is an extremely good feeling.

As much as I am borderline nihilistic about life and pissed off that my situation isn’t ideal, I am grateful for my small, but strongly supportive circle of family and friends. I am also grateful for this internship to expand my skills while paying me well and my physical health.